As the year comes to a close, so does the end of the Overwatch League pre-season. In a sea of power rankings and predictions, there is a small island for those who need a moment to rest. That reprieve is none other than TGH’s second annual Pre-Season Superlatives.
In this edition, we focus on singular players rather than entire teams. It is extremely important to give individuals their proper recognition even if their team struggled. This list is scientifically proven to be the most accurate of its kind to date. There also isn’t enough evidence to disprove that this is the perfect list on the internet, so it’s sitting in that perfect middle grey area.
Most Likely to Swap to Team Chef if it Helps the Team
Jeffrey “Blasé” Tsang, Houston Outlaws
Through the 2019 season, few players were as willing to help the team as blasé. After playing all three roles at one point in the season, it’s easy to say blasé would do anything that makes the team better. But the real question is, when the team is really in dire straights, can blasé step up? People forget that team nutrition is one of the cornerstones of a successful franchise. It’s that same reason why many consider former Philadelphia chef, Heidi Marsh, to be one of the most important free agents to sign this off-season. On a new team with home stands and travel, if blasé transitions to the chef role, he may go down in history as one of the most flexible players in OWL.
Most Likely to Play on Stage in Full Costume
Ethan “Stratus” Yankel, Washington Justice
The league isn’t truly ready for Stratus and his shenanigans, but we are more than likely going to get them anyway. After taking the walk-out game by storm, Stratus may have raised the bar too high too quickly. He even managed to rope in teammate Corey “Corey” Nigra into the madness by bringing sunglasses on stage.
The culmination of all of his antics leads to one final act. Stratus will play on stage in full “One-Punch Man” costume. Be prepared for Stratus to don Saitama’s colorful outfit (under the league appropriate jersey of course) and rocket punch his foes in spectacular fashion.
Best Person to Invite to Thanksgiving
Caleb “McGravy” McGarvey, Los Angeles Valiant
Valiant: Hey Florida, can you pass the McGravy?
Mayhem: Yea sure thing.
Fuel: Could I have that after you?
Mayhem: Nope you had your chance, now you have to wait your turn.
Most Likely to be Deep in the Back Line by Accident
Sang-beom “Bumper” Park, Just Vibin’
There are few players as hopelessly aggressive as Bumper on Reinhardt. He will wait around corners for that perfect back line shatter. It’s a 50/50 flip if he just slams the shift-key on cool down. Bumper just may be the king of mantra “how do my opponents know what I will do, if I don’t know what I’m gonna do?”.
Bumper receives this accolade as he has reached a new level of sneaky Rein play.
In fact, Bumper is so far in the back line of the opponent that he is inexplicably still a free agent. This gives Bumper the ultimate upper hand. He is the only player that has the opportunity to six-man shatter any team in the league, and no team in the league at any given moment. Truly impossible to outplay.
Most Likely to Make an Opponent Burst into Tears
Tae-hee “Jerry” Min, Boston Uprising
People often wonder why they have never heard of the new Boston Uprising DPS player. Oddly enough, the answer is not what you would expect. Jerry is not of this world – plain and simple.
Jerry comes from a separate world where wholesomeness is the lifeblood of each living thing. There doesn’t exist a toxic notion on his home world, as each being is too good for our Earthling brains to comprehend. In fact, we aren’t even worthy to utter J****’s name.
Now in OWL, players will now have to not only play against a level 5 endorsement Widowmaker, but they have to converse with him. A small “GG” from J**** will easily leave any Overwatch pro in tears.
Most Likely to Actually be a NHL Player in Disguise
Jung-yeon “Chara” Kim, Guangzhou Charge
Guangzhou’s main support may be actually a professional defenseman in the American National Hockey League, reports say. Inside sources have noted that they have never seen Chara and Boston Bruins’ captain Zdeno Chara in the same place at the same time.
Witnesses have said to have seen Chara sneaking around ice rinks attempting to constantly improve his ice skating rather than his wall riding.
“Now I’m really confused, which Chara are you talking about?” said one witness.
“I don’t really know anything about OWL and you keep talking to me about it. Can we just watch the Bruins?” the witness went on to add.
The jury is still out on whether this may or may not be true, but be on the look out if a 6’9″ Czechoslovakian man is playing main support for the Charge.
Most Likely to Legally Adopt the OWL Fanbase
Jong-ryeol “Saebyeolbe” Park, New York Excelsior
If you were to ask the question “what term describes Saebyeolbe the best?” most people will answer something like “leader”, “captain”, or “iconic”. Those answers are incorrect and lame. The proper answer is easily “dad energy”. SBB is the kind of player that really makes you proud to say “that’s my dad”. But unfortunately for fans, that’s not possible for he is indeed not everyone’s father. Unless of course, he did the unthinkable.
At the time of writing, there is no rule against adopting each and every fan in the OWL rulebook. As it stands, Saebyeolbe does have a window of opportunity to become the legal guardian of each and every viewer. Holidays would be tricky, but nothing Papa Saebyeolbe can’t handle.
Featured image courtesy of Robert Paul for Blizzard Entertainment
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