The Overwatch League All-Stars begins today, with the highly anticipated Talent Takedown happening right in primetime. Here, fans get to see just how hard their favorite casters and analysts feed their brains out in an epic showdown. Much of the reason for this year’s Talent Takedown hype comes from the fact that last year’s was one for the ages. Yet, even the plentiful amount of trash talk building up to the event last year could not prepare viewers for the dominance that the Pacific Division team displayed that day, taking the series over the Feed-lantic Division.
This year, the teams have been reshuffled with a few new faces entering the mix, as seen in the above image. To get viewers ready for the ensuing battle, The Game Haus has been hard at work reviewing the tapes and crunching the numbers to form the 2019 Talent Takedown Madden Player Ratings. The advanced algorithm quantifies each player, producing some notable stats as well as an overall player rating. Using these advanced player ratings, fans will have a much better idea of who they can expect to feed and who has the best chance to pop off.
Chris “Puckett” Puckett – Overall: 82
Ability on Doomfist: 92
Ability on Literally any Other Hero: 64
Advanced Knowledge of the “Need Healing” Command: 88
Yee-haw Energy: 99
Puckett fancies himself as the sneakiest beaver in the Bay Area. While he may be that, time will tell whether or not he can carry the DPS mantle for the Atlantic Division. No one questions the Puck-fist. No one. But there are some questions about his larger Hero pool. Keep an eye on his yee-haw’s, as they are sure to be plentiful.
Josh “Sideshow” Wilkinson – Overall: 61
Feeding Capacity: Vegeta screaming, “It’s over 9000!!”
Redemption Arc Potential: 95
Last years Talent Takedown was anything but kind to Sideshow, as he had a notably tough outing (extensive evidence in the tapes below). However, this was some time ago and Sideshow is likely hungrier than anyone for some redemption. Keep an eye on him, if his team gives him any playing time.
Soe “Soe” Gschwind – Overall: 80
Compliance to Play Mercy: 92
Shoulder Health: 67
Soe has been plagued with a nasty shoulder injury that could come into play during the Talent Takedown. If she isn’t at 100%, it’s likely that the Atlantic Division won’t have anyone who would be willing to play Mercy, which will be key to accompany Puckett as he dives headlong into the Pacific backlines. If she can persevere through the injury with her high “Grit” rating, she should be a very serviceable member of the team with some big-play potential.
Brennon “Bren” Hook – Overall: 86
General Reliability: 41
Bren brings a lot of powerful weapons to the table for the Atlantic Division. His legendary pool noodle wielding cosplay of Genji forever enshrined his connection with the character and makes him quite a handful in-game. The question will be if the Atlantic team can channel his exclusively big play energy or if they’ll fail to support the rambunctious DPS player.
Christopher “MonteCristo” Mykles – Overall: 79
ASMR Shot-Calling: 84
Anime Villain Potential: 99
Level-Headed Playstyle: 75
Synergy with DoA: 90
The bolo tie-wearing caster named after a sandwich, MonteCristo, looks to improve upon a fairly average Talent Takedown performance in 2018. Monte comes in with perhaps the most silent and soothing shot-calling capability of anyone, but has equally as much negative energy being the anime villain that he is. Look for him and long-time co-caster, DoA, to use their shared brain to make some big plays later tonight.
Erik “DoA” Lonnquist – Overall: 83
Ryujehong Envy: 89
Desire and Willingness to Heal: 60
Skill on Other Support Heroes Besides Zenyatta: There is zero data on this so…??
He’s the calm to Monte’s extreme, Ryujehong’s biggest fan and the most bloodthirsty support around. That’s right, it’s DoA. Look for DoA to play a great deal of Zenyatta as he tries his best to improve on Ryujehong, while inevitably failing. It’s incredibly likely he will play that hero because, quite frankly, it’s all he’s ever played. That’s right, his Overwatch profile is 100% Zenyatta (He will have most likely set it to private by the time this article goes live, so don’t bother checking).
Robert “Hexagrams” Kirkbride – Overall: 88
Mental Fortitude: 83
Beard Energy: 70
Celebration Dance Moves: 62
While Hex may not have the beard energy of Mr. X, he’s every bit the flex god that this team needs. Hex is a pillar of strength for this team, keeping them in line and rarely getting tilted due to his high mental fortitude rating. Yet, Hex has shown in recent weeks that he is not up to par with his celebration dance moves which may prevent him from actually wanting to win at all. While Hex seems to be the Atlantic’s best hope, check his drive in clutch time to see if he really wants it. Also, have you seen this dude in a raccoon cap?
Danny Lim – Overall: 85
Microphone Dominance: 88 (but quickly declining)
Sheer Unknown: N/A
Dwayne Johnson Energy: 0-99
Danny Lim is about as much of a wild card as they come. Yes, of course, this man has an unbelievable amount of drip and, yes, he does often get territorial over his microphones, but will this transition to solid plays in-game? If Danny is going to come in and dominate, he’s going to have to wear this outfit to do so. He needs to become The Rock this team needs. If he can, expect greatness. If not, well, who knows.
Matt “Mr. X” Morello – Overall: 87
Height: Varies Based on Box
Widowmaker Clutch Potential: 85
Beard Energy: 87
Infrequent Communication: 90
Mr. X is going to undeniably be one of the Pacific’s best options at DPS, with notably stronger beard energy than his counterpart, Hex, to boot. Issues could come into play if the seats on the Blizzard arena stage don’t boost high enough for Mr. X to effectively see the monitor, or perhaps there will be some boosters available. Additionally, Mr. X has been conditioned not to talk at all while casting next to Uber, and his comms may suffer as a result. If he goes rogue on Widowmaker with his mic muted, don’t be surprised.
Mitch “Uber” Leslie – Overall: 81
Confounding Call-Outs: 98
Gigachad Reinhardt Charging: 87
Comm Dominance: 90
Home Run Potential: 64
In last year’s Talent Takedown, Uber was a serviceable member of his team, neither feeding nor popping off. This makes his Home Run Potential lower, but his Gigachad energy on the Reinhardt remains high, especially with Sang-beom “Bumper” Park paving the way for him this season. If he can avoid dominating the comms while saying things like, “the licking tendrils of the tesla cannon” or “I’m feeling tutti frutti today, Puckett” then the Pacific should be alright.
Wolf “Wolf” Schroder – Overall: 79
Menacing Smile: 69
Clothing Synergy with Achillios: 90
Korean Contenders Mastery: 85
Big Brain Potential: 90
Wolf is another one, like much of the Pacific roster, that is tough to get a read on due to the limited amount of Talent Takedown tape available. Both he and Achillios have the Korean Contenders strategies in their back pockets and will likely be wearing some kind of matching socks on stage, so there’s that. Overall, Wolf has the potential to bring his big-brained analysis into the match and conjure up some sorcery compositions.
Seth “Achilios” King – Overall: 79
Crisp and Efficient Communication: 80
Hair Slickness: Heavy Gel Level
Korean Contenders Mastery: 85
Unknown Skill: ??
Achilios has some great hair and great communications but so little is known of his gameplay. Much like Wolf, he will be looking to channel his inner 2018 Runaway into this match and unleash his unknown power onto the Atlantic Division. Only time will tell if he is able to do just that.
Mica Burton – Overall: 76
LeVar Genes: 50 (That’s how that works, right?)
Hand Shaking With Ice Cream Involved: 0
Secret Weapon Capability: 97
Mica has been motivating players and teams to be better all season long in her insider work. Although she may have missed a handshake or two, Mica has continued to be the optimist that she is. This, combined with her powerful genetics, give her a lot of Secret Weapon Potential for the Pacific Divison. Keep an eye on another Talent Takedown first-timer in Mica Burton.
Auguste “Semmler” Massonnat – Overall: 92
D.Va Bomb Placement: 99
Swagger: 99 with sunglasses, 78 without
Carry Potential: 90
Pressure to Carry: 97
Last, but anything from least, is Semmler. After his unbelievable performance in last year’s Talent Takedown, Semmler looks to continue to carry his team on his signature hero, D.Va. If he’s wearing his shades, this match may already be over. Look for the Atlantic Division to target Semmler in a big way to make sure he isn’t able to do what he did last year again, today. Will the pressure get to him or will he rise to the challenge and give us some more of these D.Va bombs?
Be sure and tune into all of the Overwatch League All-Stars action starting tonight at 6:00 pm PDT with everything wrapping up tomorrow at 6:00 pm PDT with the All-Star Game. And, as always, we’ll keep you covered here, at The Game Haus!
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Featured Image Courtesy of Robert Paul for Blizzard Entertainment
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