Well it’s that time of year again folks. The Spring Split comes to a close, the Promotion tournament rages on, and the majority of us are left with no good League of Legends to watch. Thankfully the scene delivers us some exclusive news that will excite any fan of League: the return of Marcus “Dyrus” Hill.
Dyrus reached out to me personally on my MySpace account saying, “It just didn’t feel the same watching these scrubs win Top lane. That’s just not how you do it. I had to come back and teach kids how to play Top lane again ;)” Wink included. Dyrus detailed how he felt it was important for some real American throwdowns to return in the Top lane.
Dyrus also confirmed the backing of a venture capitalist group succinctly titled “Sketchy Big Money Guys Who Want More Money But Love Esports We Swear Ever Since It Made Others Money”, or SBMGWWMMBLEWSESIMOM, or just Big Money Guys. “With the backing of Big Money Guys I feel we have a real single shot at making LCS before all our funding is pulled suddenly and violently leaving many of our support staff stranded and without any chance of survival! We’re absolutely excited and thankful for this single shot at the big leagues with a group that only believes in us if we perform in one split of Challenger Series.”
When asked about the process of forming this new team and anyone who inspired this sudden change of heart, Dyrus simply sent me this image as a single tear rolled down his cheek.
While Dyrus stressed that this was not necessarily the final draft, he assured me he did not in fact do it in MS Paint five minutes before contacting me. Definitely not.
While Dyrus is currently the only announced player for the roster, he hinted at some fellow familiar big names that may join him. “I’m not allowed to say who will be joining me just yet, but I can say that they are known to LIFT things sometimes twice or DOUBLE… Double times… Ohh, and I think TheOddOne said he was free too I guess.”
(Praise be Unto Mark Merrill, our Lord and Savior)
But what will this legendary team be called? Dyrus also wasn’t hesitant with this. “We wanted to be known for our own legacy and not the team we played for in the past and had massive success with. So we decided on Team Alternative Middle, or TAM. Our logo is pretty cool. It’s got fire and stuff. But we wanted to build our own, completely unique and never done before sounding team. Like, we may bring in a super star Danish mid laner or something.”
In case it wasn’t apparent, April Fools folks. Sadly the return of Dyrus doesn’t seem to be happening (yet!?) Hopefully my bad humour was mildly amusing to someone. Anyone. My mom thinks my jokes are funny.
You can like The Game Haus on Facebook and follow us on Twitter for more sports and esports articles from other great TGH writers along with Joe!
