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It’s on the Haus: Carmelo Anthony, Red Sox release Pablo Sandoval, Bartolo Colon could retire and most popular NFL jerseys

It’s on the Haus is a daily installment of sports news from the past day. Rather than waiting an entire hour to see the big news on a television program or come to multiple stories on multiple websites to get your sports fix, It’s on the Haus gives you the biggest sports happenings all in one place. You may feel guilty for reading this concise article that gives you everything you need to know, but don’t worry, It’s on the Haus. The SEO focus keyphrase for your viewing pleasure: Carmelo Anthony Red Sox release Pablo Sandoval Bartolo Colon retire

Yesterday’s edition: J.D. Martinez trade, Carlos Correa on the shelf, Julian Edelman has one less #hater and Kyrie’s incredibly low 2K rating

Carmelo Anthony just wants to be loved

The struggle is real for Carmelo Anthony. His boisterous contract has disrupted a New York Knicks franchise that already is dealing with turbulence which has caused the $32 million man to be surrounded by trade rumors.

Carmelo Anthony Red Sox release Pablo Sandoval Bartolo Colon retire
No one will take the plunge with Carmelo Anthony, and he is sad. (Photo: Adam Hunger-USA TODAY Sports).

Cleveland confessed its love to Melo, but the love wasn’t enough as no trade was made. The Rockets have also admitted Melo makes their heart go pitter-patter, but there’s still been no deal.

If there’s anything Carmelo Anthony knows better than any of us, it’s that actions speak louder than words. Sure, some franchises say they want Anthony, but no one has followed through yet.

That all could change as yet another party is interested in Anthony’s services. Trail Blazers’ guards Damien Lillard and CJ McCollum are vying for the small forward’s talents, and it’s clear Anthony will not be playing with New York to open the season.

Rumors mean basically nothing this offseason. We heard the Rockets were on the “2-yard line” in a trade for Anthony, but it appears that has fallen through. Just because some Trail Blazers players want Anthony means nothing, because every team wants Anthony.

No one loves Carmelo enough to trade for him, and that’s just a shame. I truly hope Anthony’s psyche won’t take too much of a hit during this time.

Boston Red Sox dump a panda

Pablo Sandoval (better known as Kung Fu Panda) was officially released by the Boston Red Sox yesterday. Sandoval hit .212 with four home runs and 12 RBIs in just 32 games with the Red Sox this season.

Carmelo Anthony Red Sox release Pablo Sandoval Bartolo Colon retire
Boston isn’t the only thing giving up on Sandoval this season (see: his belt). Photo: Jim Davis/The Boston Globe

This is really only news because of how good Sandoval was with San Francisco. He peaked early in his career, with his best season in terms of WAR (6.1) coming in 2011.

Sandoval was good, but then he got fat.

Boston asked him to lose weight upon arrival in 2015, and Sandoval did, for at least a little while. However, all good things must come to an end, and Kung Fu Panda got chubby again.

The Giants plan on signing Sandoval to a minor league contract, so if this really is the last time we see Sandoval in a major league uniform, we might as well remember him at his peak.

Big Bart may call it quits

Carmelo Anthony Red Sox release Pablo Sandoval Bartolo Colon retire
Big Sexy is a walking masterpiece of art (Photo: Adam Hunger/USA TODAY Sports).

While yesterday’s article focused on #haters, today’s article is apparently all about extra-large MLB players.

Bartolo Colon was released by the Atlanta Braves on July 6, and the Minnesota Twins nabbed him three days later. Colon threw just four innings of mediocre baseball in his debut with the Twins, and now Big Bart is mulling retirement.

Colon is 44 years old and nearing the end of the road in his time in the MLB. It looks like Colon may call it quits before MLB teams can decide his fate for him, so who can get mad at him for that?

I’ve always been a big fan of Big Sexy. He’s brought life to every stadium he’s pitched in an unconventional way. His clumsiness at the plate has been well-documented. Colon has kinda sucked this year, but I sure hope his time in the MLB isn’t over.

I propose Colon do his best to pitch for every single team in the MLB before retirement. He’s already played for 10 teams, and there’s almost enough time to pitch for a different team every fifth day before the season ends. Big Sexy may have bigger (ha, see what I did there) things to worry about, but I hope he’ll at least consider my proposition.

A report on who gets their jersey bought the most

NFLshop.com released this fancy graphic yesterday that displayed each state’s highest-purchased jersey. Marshawn Lynch has dominated sales on the west coast, while apparently the state of Ohio has a secret Greg Olsen fan club that I’m unaware of.

It’s no surprise to see Lynch leading sales in many states thanks to his coming out of retirement. The biggest shock on this list is the fact that the state that I reside in, Ohio, is apparently full of Greg Olsen lovers.

Now, I’ve gushed over Olsen plenty in my life. His durability and charisma is charming. However, I have never once seen a person in my state wearing a Greg Olsen jersey. Now, I don’t get out much, but still.

This is also completely random. My guess for Ohio’s most-purchased jersey would be A.J. Green. If it’s not a Bengal, it certainly not a Brown, so it’d have to be one of the more popular players in the league. From there, my thought process trends towards either Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers.

But Greg Olsen? How many of our fun-loving but heaven help us clueless mothers could name Tom Brady? Probably most if they live in a house that watches sports like mine. However, there’s no way near as many mothers (or people in general) have heard of Greg Olsen.

There has to be a conspiracy here, and I’m using my interns to launch an in-depth investigation. This is my promise to you: We will get to the bottom of this conspiracy that I’m dubbing #OlsenJerseyInOhio-Gate.

 

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